Why change is such a hot topic? Well, take a look at the world around and the pace of our reality transforming. We are not only called to keep up with it, but we also feel the pressure to perform and thrive in this environment.
This means we need to find ways to implement changes at teams’ level, at companies’ level, but at individual level as well. And if we are talking about personal development, implementing and sustaining individual changes is a prerequisite we need to master in order to improve.
This year I had the opportunity to complete the Motivational Interviewing module, the trainers being a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Motivational interviewing is a directive counseling approach, client-centered style for eliciting behavior change by helping clients to explore and solve ambivalence. It is used, with impressive results, in addiction interventions and change. It works magic in individual change! I’ve applied both for myself and others and I am never going back to other methods! 😊
So top 3 things that I learned and apply when I wanted to change different behaviors or situations:
- Ambivalence is normal when confronted with change and we need to accept, experiment, and solve it before action.
Two years ago, I felt like I needed to start exercise in a more consistent manner. I knew the benefits of exercising, yet I felt overwhelmed with the level of effort it required out of me. Not doing any exercise meant I felt different aches and pains and missing out on that emotional rebalancing effect I knew physical exercise has on me. Yeeet…. It was hard to start and even harder to keep up with going to the gym. I wanted to consistently exercise, and I wanted to make no effort, at the same time.
Forcing and rushing this ambivalence leads to partial commitments, from a psychological perspective. It is like I’m signing a contract with myself, but I’m not entirely committed. This is why a lot of people start on will and are determined to persist, and they loose motivation along the way and quit.
The ambivalence is a normal and necessary step when we contemplate change. The main role: it highlights the benefits and prices we need to pay for both options. It helps us better understand what we are facing and is a prerequisite to decision. We cannot make a full-hearted decision without ambivalence.
Action point: allow time for ambivalence to manifest and understand all facets. Ask for assistance, if needed. Working with someone that can guide through the process is a gold mine!
- If we want to fuel the change, we need to find ways to enhance the desire, motives, needs and abilities for the new behavior. Both the current and the new behavior hold positive and negative aspects. We need to be mindful of all and build motivation towards the change we want to make.
To enhance the desire to workout, I remember how it felt when I was playing volleyball every day: the physical state, the mental state. How good I felt, how powerful.
To enhance the motives, I went to my parent role: if I want my daughter to have a balanced life, I need to display that behavior, she needs to see me exercise. She learns from what she sees, not from what I tell her.
To enhance the need, I recalled all the aches I was feeling, but also, I made a fast-forward into the future: how my body and health would be in 5 years from now if I did nothing. Grimm perspective 😊
To enhance the abilities, I did two things: I looked in the past, for previous experiences and what I did that worked (having a checklist, for example, works really well in my case) and I looked for exercises that I knew I could do. This is how I found a sports program that I can do at home, in 15 minutes workouts (this time I can find in the morning, it does not require one full hour, as the gym did) and had a backbone, a structure to help me persist. It gave me the abilities I needed in order to not just start, but persist. Here I am, two years later and consistently having 3 to 4 workouts per week. And moving from 35 kg muscle mass to 50 kg.
- When deciding to implement a new behavior – make it focused action. One thing a time.
When I decided I wanted to start exercise consistently I was applying nutrition guidelines, as well. I found that I felt as I was asking too much out of myself, and I didn’t enjoy the process anymore. So, I decided to stop any pressure on alimentation and for 3 months, to focus just on building the habits for workouts. I went back to nutrition after I made sure the workouts were a consistent presence and I didn’t feel them as an effort.
Often times, we have the expectation to just push through our reactions and emotions when trying to implement change. I would propose a different approach: understand your emotions, work with them, and wield their energy to support the change you want to make. Here, at Leadup Central, we are rooting for you!
Monica Dumitrescu – Entrepreneur, consultant, trainer and performance developer